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The change from Daylight Saving Time to Standard Time
will occur on Sunday, November 1st at 2:00 a.m.
(local time) –http://www.time.gov/

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I already feel off. I woke up this morning and I felt different. My mind seemed slower. It makes no sense. I can’t possible feel the onset of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I think what I feel is a visceral memory of how I change as the days get shorter.

My clouds grow darker behind my eyes. The world gets sensually awful. I feel cloaked in its filth. I can’t stand the sounds of voices in a crowd. I feel like I’m being choked by tastes and odors. Everything hurts. Everything takes so much effort. I don’t feel like trying. I just feel like dying. I spend most of the evenings crying.

A simple change of the clock does this to me. A little less sunlight freaks out my brain. I am that fucking sensitive. Isn’t that adorable? Aren’t I just precious?

What the fuck is wrong with me. It’s one more ridiculous weakness, one more “disorder.” I’m a weakling. I’m stupid. I’m a disappointing man.

I’m ashamed that I’m writing about all of this, to be honest. I should keep this all to myself. I should stay quiet. I should shoulder the burden. I’m a man. I should be stronger.

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