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I am tired of people coddling me. I am tired of everyone acting like I don’t know what I’m doing because of my depression.
For example, if I say, “I really don’t feel right about this,” or “I don’t think this is good for me,” or “this situation makes me unhappy,” most people respond with, “that’s just your depression talking,” or “that’s because you father did horrible things to you,” or “you’re just insecure.”
There may be a grain of truth in all that, but I’m really tired of being infantilized because of my illness. My ex-wife did that to me for five years.
I told her that I didn’t love her. She said it was just my depression talking. She was a psychotherapist so I bought it. I spent five years in therapy trying to convince myself that I loved a woman that I didn’t love. I knew I didn’t love her.
She used my depression to control me.
I didn’t trust myself. I have to start trusting myself and my decisions. If my decisions are wrong, I’ll deal with it. If my decisions are motivated by clinical depression, so be it. They are still my decisions to make.
So there. I put my foot down. Everyone needs to back off a little bit.
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