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I am so fucking tired of being angry. I feel like I’ve been angry all my life. Is that normal? Does anyone else feel like this? I mean, I have outbursts. I scream at Lara. I scream at other drivers. I scream at stupid movies and television shows.
They just keep defining normal. Every show presents some normal people. And I don’t resemble any of them. That makes me feel broken. That makes me feel flawed. I need to be better. I need to be normal. Help! Help me be normal!
Well, just buy all this shit and you will be normal. Get a job and drive this car. No this one. Marry your fucking mother. Give her your balls and you will be normal.
Get off your ass, Tommy. You have fiscal responsibilities. Your cell phone was turned off and you didn’t notice. All you want to do is write. That’s all you do anymore.
Alright! Alright! I get it. I have to start moving again. I’m in a depression. No. I’m hiding in my words. I did this when I was a child. I found comfort and power in words. Off-page, I’m nothing.
But feeling like nothing is normal. Being a cog in a giant machine is norma. Being voiceless and feeling wayward and pointless. I have to get a job and buy a lot of stuff to be a member of the American normal. That will make me happy, the TV told me.
I know I can’t fight it. I know it’s the way the world works. It’s the order. I’ll get off my ass, shortly. I promise. Just give me a moment. I’m just now realizing how fucked I am—how fucked we all are, all of us. Apologies. I’m really pissed off.
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