◊
I don’t know. I feel lost. I feel like I have crumbling rock beneath me.
Last night, I panicked. My mood crashed to the floor and I was sobbing. I curled up on the couch in a small fetal ball. I was so tired of breathing. I felt the old aching in my pores. My skin felt like rubber made to fool me.
I am artificial. I am not human. That’s why I’m so lonely. That’s why I’m so lost.
I want to leave this place. I want to leave this country. I don’t feel like I belong here anymore.
I see sadness in the faces. I see absence in the cloudy smiles. I see the dark circled eyes of hollow regret, the lonely stares across rooms, the shaking hands that raise the glasses, the bloodshot tears as the palm presses the condensation on the mugs. The glass itself is weeping. I can feel it. They cut me. It’s the unspoken misery around their eyes that does it.
I don’t know. I think I’m losing. I just can’t take it anymore.
◊